I'M JUST GONNA BASH YOUR ASS IN!
by HeisenbergofHermes
Summary: There's not much to do at The Overlook Hotel, so Jack finds something fun to do involving ghosts, toys, scat, and his anus. (JOKE FIC: YOU"VE BEEN WARNED)


The events that took place at the esteemed Overlook Hotel were almost like a blur. At least that's how they felt for Jack.

He, and his fugly wife, and autistic schizo son weren't much help when it came to making his time at the overlook more enjoyable. Sometimes he'd be forced to wander off somewhere random in hopes that the destination he'd find himself in would entertain him. Unfortunately his personal journeys were almost always just as dull as 'writing' his novel.

But, today was different. Jack was hornier than a 12 year old girl that just discovered yaoi. Today's form of entertainment would be to JACK off. But that measly task would grow almost impossible. He could never get some fucking time alone.

Every GOD. DAMN. TIME. he'd try to let a spooge loose somewhere, the Wendy wu bitch would spout some irrelevant shit like "Jack! Danny's not BREATHING! "WAH WAH WAAAAH! It was moments like that where Jack figured he had been married to a donkey doped behemoth. She stopped heating his groin CENTURIES ago.

Why doesn't he fuck his wife you ask? Have you SEEN the bitch? Yeah, me too. Not to mention the whore hasn't been putting out. But even if she was, ew no thank you. He had better hopes of reaching orgasm by molesting his son.

With Jacks mental health going further into decline, it was taking a lot more to get his jollies off. What he had to do nowadays just to bust a nut could only be described as borderline homo erotic depravity. He loved that side of himself that had the power to take anyone down a peg, even HIMSELF.

But as the course of the months continued on, and with no females within a thousand mile radius, things were growing desperate for old Jackie. He was bound to do things for sexual gratification he'd never imagine possible…

The plan was to sneak his way into one of the vacant hotel rooms with a plate of bologna sandwiches, a tab soda, and some corn chips, eat it, sit down, and masterbate like there was no tomorrow. If his predictions were correct the fun would start in half an hour. The thought of what was to come made his groin feel hotter than a lynched muslim that slandered the Quran.

The ghosts in this hotel thought they were slick but Jack knew of their presence ever since he first stepped foot into this shithole.

He had pretended he didn't believe in them so they could raise their ghost self esteem and earn poltergeist points, but that sweet bubble of oblivion ended tonight! The spirits haven't noticed yet but Jack was planning on involving a few of them in his steamy endeavours. Afterall, he wasn't going to find himself a full grown mans cock in Danny's room.

As soon as Jack finished the last sentence of his novel for the day he rushed over to the kitchen and prepared his food. With a mad grin on his face he walked hastily to a bedroom on the third floor.

As he pretentiously stepped out of the elevator he took a good look around to see if anyone had been eyeing him. To his dismay no one was. It pissed him off because he needed a partner! But it didn't really matter, after the ghosts find out what he's planning, they'll be glued to him like a nigger and cannabis.

Opening the door with one harsh kick, and with no sign of what's her name, it was time for the sexy hour to begin.

Jack had practically swallowed his food whole, and there were three reasons for this.

Because the bread was fucking nasty.

Because he wanted to have fun NOW

he hungry

With his meal now traveling down his tubes, it was time to wait for the ghosties.

All of a sudden Jack spotted a familiar face from across the room. It was Lloyd!

"How are you Mr. Torrance?"

Jack looked at him with an air of defeat surrounding him.

"Not so well Lloyd. Not so well..."

Lloyd stared at Jack. His eyes never a dead giveaway for what he was feeling beneath that professional exterior.

"Anything I can help you with sir?"

Jack looked at him, opening his arms out and smiling in a exaggerated manner.

"I don't know Lloyd. Got a spare hooker around?"

"No Sir."

"How about an 10 inch dil thingy?"

"No Sir."

"A dick then? You got one?"

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm afraid that's not in my line of duty, Sir."

"Well Lloyd. What the fuck DO you have? A vagina?" Jack ended sarcastically.

Lloyd smiled.

"Something even better sir."

Lloyd then proceeded to pull out a bottle of Jack Daniels from the inner confines of his suit. Upon seeing it Jack smiled approvingly.

"That's some good thinking Lloyd. Damn good thinking." Jack yelled as he snatched the bottle from the servant. He twisted the bottle open and quickly began taking long gulps. In just one hit he had almost finished half of it.

"What WOULD I do without ya Lloyd!"

"I am pleased that you're please sir."

All of a sudden an urge to make out with Lloyd had overcome Jacks senses because the man was perfect. He stood tall over to the older man. Lloyd being untimidated at the sudden advance made him want the man that much more. Instead of grabbing the older man and pushing him into a sexy kiss, Jack stared at him darkly and took another long drag.

"Lloyd. Man to man, I need your help with something. "

"Yes?"

"Well you see, I have this… itch. And I need your help rubbing it out, if you know what I mean. "

"Rub… an itch sir?"

"What? NO!" Jack laughed lightly. "I mean, you know…"

Lloyd looked at Jack dumbfounded. This caused him to lose his temper.

"JESUS CHRIST OLD MAN! I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME!" Jack blurted unfiltered.

Lloyd just grinned like a troll.

"Oh I know what you meant. I just wanted to hear it from your own lips."

That confession made Jack half blush and half steam up. He just glared in the other direction of the room like a 4 year old white boy.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't help you." Lloyd began to explain. "I'm afraid it would be impossible. You see, you guessed something about me before. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say without me explaining it."

It took a minute for whatever was about to be deciphered register into Jacks hazen brain. Then all of a sudden it hit him.

"You have… a vagina?"

"Yes sir, as a matter of fact I do." Lloyd announced as he dropped his black dress pants to the floor. His genitals revealing a sagged up pussy with an enlarged clitoris. H(ER)IS clit even had an edgy sjw piercing. The sight made Jacks jaw drop.

"Well I'll be a monkeys fucking uncle..."

"Sir, if you'd like you could have intercourse with me… as is."

"That won't do Lloyd. I haven't gotten off from a pussy ever since I had my son. Get the picture?" Jack said dispiritedly. Lloyd looked at him sympathetically.

All of a sudden a man wearing a suit appeared. His suit was strikingly similar to Lloyds. He stood at the doorway holding a 10 inch vibrator. Both Jack and Lloyd stared absently.

The suited man walked forward and closed the door behind him. From what the two men could gather, he appeared on end. Like he was looking for something. Or someone…

"Have you men seen my boyfriend? He's around this floor somewhere. I've been looking everywhere for him."

"Well what the fucks he look like?" Jack stated irritably.

"He's about 5 feet 8 inches. Submissive. Walks around in a bear costume."

"I'm afraid and I haven't seen such a person. "

"Well then what in GOD'S name am I supposed to do with THIS!?" the intruding man yelled as he swung around the ginormo vibrator. The other two homos in the room looked at each other with a certain sparkle in their eyes.

"I have a few ideas." Jack announced as he bent himself over the ledge of the bed, his legs spread open wide like a hoe. Lloyd sat by his side setting his eyes on his coworker.

"I'm all pent up. Why don't you loosen me up." Jack spoke in a lewdly seductive tone. This caused the two older beta males to pop a boner! Or a clitner in the case of Lloyd.

"I thought you'd never ask." The assler laughed darkly.

Jacks entire face was soon pushed harshly against the white bed sheets. His pants were ripped down his thighs exposing a creamy white ass. The two BUTTler queers' mouths salivated like rabid canines. It was now time for some hot steamy action!

With little to no preparation, Jacks hairy asshole was being pried into like immigration at Mexican Fiesta. The meaty gearth of the sex toy was enough to tear a blood vessel in the kooky man's rectum. He didn't give a shred of a shit though because it would take a lot more than this to have HIM begging.

Even though no one had booty liability insurance, they continued on with their smexy threesome. Even Lloyds old dried up he-pussy was beginning to get a rise out of the event. But guilt overtook him and he knew, he just had to come clean… Instead of speaking the truth, he decided to SHOW them it.

As Johnny's tight whore hole was being worked open into next week, he turned his eyes over to the figure that was standing at his left by the doorway. It was Lloyd! But something was different… His clothes were gone. This made JoOooHnnNy think long and hard. But not too much because he didn't care that much about Lloyds character arc anymore since discovering he was a nasty fucking transman. WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT GIRLS THINK!

The secret was that Lloyd was actually a biological man, whose genitals were eaten during the great depression of 29. It was making Lloyd mad that people thought he was a dumbass abiding sandwich maker, but this was a reality he had to deal with considering his penis was nonexistent. Almost as nonexistent as the fact that Lloyd was a gay bitch.

The old ass douche just sat in the corner with his artificial hairy ass cheeks pressing against the cool wall. He was just watching the event progress on the sidelines like a LOOOOSER!

As that vibrator when inches and inches deeper into J's anus it was growing more difficult to hold back his moans of sublime faggottry. The device was lodged in him so deep that he could see the toys tip buldging against his belly from the front. But even THIS wasn't enough. There had to be MORE.

With his prostate not even grazed, Jack was beginning to realize why this guys boyfriend decided to disappear on him. He was absolutely horrible when it came to pleasuring another mans anus. Jack laid there taking whatever attention he could get. He picked up his bottle of Whiskey and took a few hits, digging his irritated face into the blanket after each one. He was close to huffing in anger, he felt like screaming.

Until… his wish came true.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Jackie screamed from the top of his lungs. "What the-? OH FUCK! SHIT!"

"You like that? It's my own personal technique ya know. I call it. The Cum n Done." The bootler screeched as he averted his grip on the vibrator and turned it to its highest setting. This made every nerve flare to the MAX.

Jack could do nothing but grip the bed sheets so tight his knuckles grew numbed. His mouth began to salivate as his eyes went into the back of his head. This guy was fucking awesome, and his bottom bf was one lucky furry.

With Lloyd the loser as the loner third wheel, he was watching as the alpha and beta males were having a good time. He wanted to be apart of it goddammit! And he'd do anything to do it! He'd just have to show Mr. Torrance what a REAL man he could be.

As Jacks sack began to convulse uncontrollably with the danger of cumming soon, out of the blue his anal stimulation came to a stop.

"Don't you FUCKING stop NOW!" Johnny screamed in frustration. But as soon as he could see the culprit with his own eyes he was greedily entered once again. It felt like… one of those dil thingys…

"Who the fuck…? AH! H-Hey!"

"It's just me." The 'tranny' freak whispered from behind as he(?) hovered his chest above his power bottoms back, allowing deeper access into his sweet puffy arsehole. This caused Jack to writhe and shake uncontrollably.

"Lloyd! Lloyd!" The man began to chant beneath him(?). "What the hell are you screwing me with!?"

"It's my most prized possession." The Methuselah croaked. "My 8 inch monster strap on!" Jack thought Lloyd was a skanky loser if THIS was his most prized possession. How fucking lonely can you get? Next thing the old bastard would think they were friends and he'd show him his dildo collection. Pffft… AS IF!

While in the midst of sweaty man on man sinning, Lloyd had moved things further. He was now fucking Mr. Torrance MISSIONARY… AND JACK HATED MISSIONARY! He didn't like looking at the ugly mostly ghostly hoes that f'd him unless they were Danny Phantom. This position had him feeling like his dopey ass wife when they used to actually have a sex life and it gave him PTSD recalling the disgusting time. But there was nothing he could do about it. Right now he didn't even have it in him to talk. He did, however have it in him to do other things…

All of a sudden he could feel that familiar aching churn in his lower intestines. His welfare feast passed through him sooner than he expected. He hadn't planned on getting f'd so things went south just in a matter of seconds. Jack began to groan deeply in pain. Lloyd noticed and smiled, thinking his dick game was just that good. No sweetie, not even close to the that meaty nigger Dick Hallorann down in the kitchen. He had ice cream.

Right now shitting felt impossible on account of the 8 inch artificial cock wreaking havoc on Jacks worn out hole. He bagan holding his bloated lower belly hoping that this will psychologically stifle his growing need to defecate. It did very little. But… was this apart of Jack's plan all along?

Okay it's true. Scat was the only way he could ejaculate these days. He was a nasty sick fucker, but at least he wasn't a communist.

"Oh this is most exquisite," the sheman schreeched when he(?) felt a dog laying licks on his lower booty cheek. It was the lost furry boyfriend! He had unknowingly wandered into the room on all fours looking for his old butler bf. He found him lying on the ground unconscious with their favorite vibrator vibrating beside his big bald head. Seeing this made the dog bark with laughter and pee on the elderly abused queer and join in on the fun.

Jack was now very uncomfortable. All he wanted right now was for someone to eat his shit. He'd do ANYTHING just to watch that. He preferred the bear dog person to do it more than anything because furries were just too damn infuriating.

"Get off me…" Jack mumbled softly thinking that if he wasn't being mean he'd get what he wanted without hassle. It didn't work because Lloyd was too focused on getting his dusty asshole licked and heard nothing else but the sounds of wet licks. Jack began to grow frantic. He raised himself harshly, pushing his asshole abuser to the ground in the process, landing on the other sub fag retriever.

J spread his hairy legs open and because he was fucked so hard before his shit glided out of him with very little ease. Both Lloyd and Fozzie stared like dumbfucks. The furry crawled over to the mess and began to sniff the steaming pile like cocaine. When he sniffed something he liked, he ate it! To make it more tasty he'd pretend he was eating a can of greasy pedigree wet dog chow. Yum!

As Jack witnessed his sexy fantasy he began to roughly masturbate, and laugh darkly in doing so. Unfortunately Lloyd didn't share Pooh's interest in poo and watched grossly from the sidelines, being excluded once again from the hotness.

As soon as the furry character was finished with his treat, smacking his lips together with feces, he moved his floppy eared head forward and began cleaning Jacks dirty asshole with his tongue. This was all it took to induce Johnny's blinding orgasm. He squirted cum all over his red sweater, and it was awesome. This was the best time he's had all week.

Inside the video surveillance room were Wendy and Danny. They had watched this entire escapade take place. Wendy's jaw hit the ground in shock, now seeing the true colors of her faggot husband. Danny just stared at the video screen with his trademark autistic leer, and his 3 inch dick feeling funny.

Danny began to point his twitching finger at the screen and yell "REDCUM! REDCUM! REDCUM!" until his mother grabbed his bowl cut scalp and pushed it to her torso in an attempt to shield his barley innocent eyes.

It was true, what they say.

All work and no play made Jack a gay boy.


End file.
